All Frosting, No Cake

This is not an anti-accessories rant.  I believe, as do many others, that accessories can make or break an outfit, and that you need to be thoughtful as you choose them.  I also believe that it’s wise to change up your wardrobe with accessories in order to stretch basics into something a bit more stylish.  But here’s the thing:  accessories are an accessory.  By definition, an accessory is “an article or set of articles of dress, as gloves, earrings, or a scarf, that adds completeness, convenience, attractiveness,etc., to one’s basic outfit.”  Emphasis mine on the basic outfit!

I have a couple of theories as to why women love to buy accessories over a decent pair of trousers or a desperately needed dress.  First off, accessories don’t have any size associated with them.  Sure, shoes have sizes, but frankly, no one seems up in arms over their shoe size, or “proud” that she still wears the same shoe size she did in college or when she got married.  Ring a bell?  It’s just so much easier, isn’t it, to waltz into a boutique and play with the jewelry and the scarves, rather than cursing under your breath in a fitting room, fighting with two or three or twenty pairs of denim.

Secondly, I think the reason that designer accessories are so popular is that while you may not be able to afford or fit into Gucci, Chanel, or Versace, your sunglasses or perfume can have the logo you long for.  Even though you know that these houses licensed their logo to other companies and designers to produce those accessories.  Unless you purchased those exact Prada shoes that were on the runway last season, those “designer” accessories have but one connection to the design house:  they are responsible for enormous revenues that fund the couture line that you cannot buy.

A killer pair of shoes can only go so far.  They won’t hide the fact that your jeans are baggy in the butt.  A scarf may light up your face like a candle, but can’t do the work of a good bra of  proper and flattering alignment.  The latest “it” bag will draw attention, but won’t provide distraction enough from ill-fitting clothing.  And the cherry on the top of this affliction?  Those accessories can cost at least as much as an entire outfit!  Sure, there are bargains to be had, but it seems that women, especially women who are uncomfortable or unhappy with the size they wear, are willing to throw down cold, hard cash on accessories rather than pony up for actual clothes.

The antidote is simple, but not easy.  Just because you wear a size two, twelve, or twenty-two, does not mean that you are a size.  We are women, not sizes.  And guess what?  If you haven’t already noticed, there is no such thing as standardized sizing.  Most of us, no matter what our size, wear at least three different sizes of clothing, depending on the style and the manufacturer.  European sizing, in general, is truer to measurements, and that’s how clothing is sized:  by a bust measurement.  American women may say that they want standardized sizing in their clothing, but the success of “vanity sizing” suggests otherwise.  We’re more likely to buy something that is sized to our liking, even though we know that there’s no way in hell we wear that size.  And with the advent of knit fabrics, Lycra, and size markers of S/M/L and 1X/2X/3X, fit has become more flexible in the best of cases and nightmarish in the worst.  There is no “size”.  There is only fit.

Woman cannot live by shoe and bag and jewelry alone.  We are not Lady Godiva.  All frosting and no cake, let alone no vegetables, makes us giddy from the sugar high for a few minutes, and then we come crashing down to our threadbare closets of worn, outdated and ill-fitting clothes.  So the next time you find yourself swooning in the shoe department, get out of there and go try on some actual clothes!  Who knows?  You may start to crave luxurious fabrics, fine tailoring and exceptional fit, just like when you discovered that you really like broccoli.